American culture, American People., Society & Culture

Less Than Super Sunday

For many, Super Bowl XLIX will always be about the game, the way in which it ended and the enduring legacies of the key participants on both sides.

For me, it will always be about the moment I understood the complexities of being a parent. With four children and a fifth on the way, perhaps that moment should have come sooner. Alas, maybe it is only now that I fully understand it.

In many ways, especially as someone who was rooting for the villainous New England Patriots, I wish the game would remain tucked away in the recesses of my memories as one that solidified Tom Brady as the NFL’s greatest quarterback (purely an opinion). I’d like to remember his nearly perfect fourth quarter, bringing the Patriots back from 10 points down and collecting a record-tying fourth Super Bowl ring.

I’d like to vaguely recall in 20 years the look of horror on Richard Sherman and Pete Carroll when that pass was intercepted – but only because it serves as a reminder of how sports can change on a dime, how cruel they can be and how nothing is guaranteed in life (pretty much fact).

And perhaps I will remember all of these things. But I also know that I will remember more about the commercials than anything else. The ads themselves might not be that memorable, but I am certain to not forget the reactions in our house to them.

Especially those of my 8-year-old daughter.

Perhaps it was my fault. I had hyped the game to our precocious second-oldest – and only girl – for hours. The boys and my wife were easy, they were ready for four hours of football’s grandest theatrics and for what would ensue – their father hollering at the TV and cheering wildly for a team that no one else in our area liked.

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And man, she was all in. Wearing a throwback Welker jersey from her brother’s closet, our daughter placed herself in a chair next to me and basically did not move – or wasn’t allowed to – for the duration of the game.

Dad’s superstitious nature kicked in just briefly after kickoff. Every Patriots first down, I ran the room and high-fived, in order, our oldest son (12), the youngest son (3), my wife and then returned to give the biggest, double high-five to our daughter before sitting the exact same way we had the play before. (Meanwhile, our 6-year-old son went back in for the between the iPad and the game and playing with toys. Sigh. I took what I could get.)

She squeezed my arm on big third downs, asked all kinds of questions about the rules and the game and cheered to please us at first, then later because she seemed to actually, briefly, kinda care.

Soon, this became as entertaining as the game. My daughter and I were enjoying a bonding moment within the bonding moment of our family.

As the game stayed tight and tension mounted, we were all glued to the TV.

Which included the commercials.

It began with the dead-child Nationwide commercial in the second quarter and ran right on through to the game’s end, specifically, Always #LikeAGirl, Victoria’s Secret and the 50 Shades of Grey trailer.

There is no one way to adequately describe the confusion on a child’s face in, what for a parent, is an awkward moment. There is also not a great way to address the confusion without convoluting it further and getting more questions.

“Why is the boy dead?”

“Why didn’t the parents stop the bath water?”

“I don’t run like that. That’s not funny.”

“Are they making fun of girls?”

“She’s not wearing very many clothes.”

“Those people are kissing a lot and kissing really weird.”

Thanks, guys. Really, just a bang-up job, advertisers. Why didn’t you just air a commercial debunking Santa Claus or an documentary on where babies come from?

And look, n the heels of a national discussion (again) on if athletes are role models and how they are not the parents, there’s Marshawn Lynch grabbing his crotch again. And if he wasn’t, people were talking about it.

Stating the obvious: My wife and I raise our children. No one else. Ultimately, how they turn out is a far greater reflection on us than it is society in general. Yet in being a parent, you’d like to shield them from certain topics and situations for as long as possible, because, as science has proven, their minds just are not ready for it yet.

And it is a simple fact that kids are influenced by their peers, other family members and yes, who they see in movies and on television. You know how I know this? Because I was a kid once. I wore the shoes, rolled the jeans. I acted like my favorite players on the court or diamond.

Back in the 1990s, we had a whole Gatorade campaign centered on “Being Like Mike” for goodness sakes. It was aimed at kids.

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Advertising has not changed who it targets, but the topics and the boundaries of those messages have changed.

I have heard it described like this: we urge caution with young athletes lifting weights, noting how the body structure of a 14-year-old is not meant to handle too much lifting because the frame cannot handle the weight. The same is true for the brain. An 8-year-old is can comprehend more than a 6-year-old, but not as much as say a 12-year-old.

These ads, geared towards adults, are viewed by kids who simply cannot contextually understand them. From what the ads mean, to what they infer. They may contain a message, but the absorption of that message is varies widely based upon the receiver.

And we simply do not care.

As eyes begin to roll of readers who fear I’m just complaining or bemoaning something else in society, I’d venture to say you don’t have children. You’d suggest we turn it off, that we have a choice in the matter, that the media does not raise and influence my child.

Some may say that we’ve always had this (though, as noted above, there is a significant difference in “Being Like Mike” and talking about the ghost of a kid whose parents were either a) neglectful or b) neglectful and without Nationwide’s accidental home prevention training.)

My response to this is humble and contrite: it is the right of my wife and I to determine if and when we talk about these issues or topics. They normally don’t see these ads, because our children are not normally up  past 8:45-9:00pm. But the Super Bowl is anything but normal.

I’d rather not be forced to address my daughter’s self-esteem during the Super Bowl because the ad #LikeAGirl – a positive message overall – was viewed incorrectly in the eyes of an 8-year-old simply because she was eight and thought they were making fun of her.

“I don’t run like that, Daddy.”

“I don’t throw like that, either.”

No amount of “I know you don’t” or “that’s not what they meant” could remove the furrowed brow of my little girl. She just didn’t understand the point. In her eyes, she didn’t even know there was a image issue to begin with. But hey, thanks Always for putting it out there.

Is it the advertiser’s responsibility to control the message? At the very least, perhaps a little?

The same as Marshawn Lynch grabbing his crotch with millions of young football players watching him, he controls the message. I can tell my kids that something is wrong or not right, but the follow-up is the same as it was 25 years ago when I was a kid: “But why does he get to do it?

Explaining six figure fines doesn’t really address that question, either.

I can defend Lynch over not speaking to the media. It does little harm and makes a mockery of what the current sports media has become. Any reporter who can tell you with a straight face they need Marshawn Lynch to write a story about the NFL, Super Bowl XLIX or the Seattle Seahawks is a reporter who is not very good at their job. Write something else, don’t give him the attention and move on.

But I cannot defend or pretend to agree with lewd gestures as an alternate sign of rebellion to the league. Kids don’t know or get that. All they see is the action, not the message.

To Marshawn Lynch, Charles Barkley before him – and all the athletes in between who feel they are not role models, I remain disappointed. No, you are not the role model for my kids. Yes, my wife and I should be and hopefully are. But it is naïve and irresponsible to pretend you are not at minimum an influencer of children everywhere who watch you play and want to be like you. It comes with the millions of dollars, the fans and the fame. They may not know you, but they know you can play and play well.

Show some decency, respect yourself and others with your actions. Athletes demand respect all the time, then do little to earn it with actions such as these. Don’t ask us to embrace you and cheer for you, then pretend to poop out the football.

Similarly, these companies and ad agencies hold the power to do a delicate balance of creative marketing and societal responsibility.

Run your child death ad at 10pm on a Tuesday night, Nationwide. Otherwise, you are anything but on my side. If my kid is awake and watching, that one is on me.

But they knew the reaction the ad would draw, they knew it would spike Twitter trends, Google searches. They knew the value of the ad would increase significantly with that kind of ad, in that moment and the kind of reaction it would garner.

There is no great call to arms coming here. Not this time. I don’t have a solution for something the majority of us do not see as a problem.

I just have disappointment.

My only hope is my daughter remembers the high fives and not the commercials.

Maybe someday, I will too.

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2014 AFC Championship Game, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady

The Great Debate

After four long months, we have come away with a familiar match-up in the AFC Championship.

Brady vs. Manning.

ImageThis Sunday, it will be nearly 10 years to the day since two of the greatest professional quarterbacks in any lifetime met in the playoffs. It feels like this could realistically be the last time they meet with the stakes so high.

They are intrinsically linked, despite their football narratives taking entirely opposite paths, they remain relatively the same.

Peyton Manning could never quite get over the hump in the playoffs, despite stellar numbers and regular season records that nearly every QB would trade for. Then, he broke through the New England and Super Bowl barrier in 2006.

All seemed settled, the monkey removed from his back. Yet as time has passed from that magical day in Miami, when the Colts beat the Bears in an ugly, wet game, Manning’s place among the elite of the elite remains a question for some, due largely – if not entirely – to his continuing poor performance in the playoffs.

Tom Brady had it pretty good the first half of his career. With a masterful coach, a tremendous defense and a clutch kicker, the Patriots won three Super Bowls in four years. But he never had the stats or regular season records to match the Mannings, Marinos and Elways. Then 2007 happened. Finally armed with two receivers not found at a Dollar General store, Brady shattered records and the Patriots had the first undefeated regular season since Nixon was in office.

But Brady had found life to be a bit tougher in recent years – with two Super Bowl losses at the hands of Tom Coughlin, Peyton’s little brother Eli and the New York Giants. As Gisele said so eloquently, Tom can’t catch the ball or play defense, too. He’s just a man. A man in Uggs.

As we often find, there’s more to it than just that. The Patriots have had the better organization, which means their team is often well-rounded, while Manning’s days with the Colts were often marked by a defense that never materialized into anything more than subpar.

Though not necessarily by choice, Manning has moved on to Denver in his NFL golden years and found a team chalked with talent on both sides of the ball, leading to a superior team in each of the past two regular seasons. As the numbers and MVPs pile it, it is safe to assume that he really should not need anything else to stake claim to the label of greatest quarterback ever.

But a second Super Bowl ring sure would put it to rest.

Brady has survived and thrived long enough that the Patriots have been forced to basically overhaul their team in chunks over the past two or three seasons. While that has not stopped New England from piling up more division titles and first round byes and AFC Championship or Super Bowl appearances, the fact remains Brady and Belichick have not won a Super Bowl since February 2005 – remember, when Terrell Owens actually mattered and Donovan McNabb was throwing up in the fourth quarter? If it seems so long ago – it is.

Even without the gaudy, long term stats, Brady will always have a logical claim to the label of greatest quarterback ever.

But a fourth Super Bowl ring sure would help drive the point home.

ImageHowever, it should be obvious: this debate will not end come Sunday. For those who actually pay attention, there is far too much else that happens on and off the field to allow this conversation to be settled. It might never be – and maybe it should not.

They have taken turns breaking each other’s records. Each has probably been at their very best not when breaking those marks, but in the seasons where they excelled when they probably should not have.

Like the years Manning and the Colts offense was actually their defense, used to keep other teams – and the porous Colts defense – off the field. Or this season, when Brady has guided the Patriots to another double-digit win total with huge injuries and lack of experience on both sides of the ball.

Plainly stated, both are in many minds, the best of all time. No other quarterbacks have done it in so many different ways and for so long.

Their stories have a different arc, but a similar tone. Manning was perhaps relied on more (at least up ‘til now) than Brady. As a friend stated, it must be nice to have a running game like the Patriots did on Saturday against the Colts, or to play against a young Andrew Luck, who threw four interceptions.

Perhaps, but just the same as I am sure Brady would trade his receiving core for Manning’s at any point in their careers except for possibly 2007. Just the same as Manning would probably take the Patriots defense over any the Colts had in every year but the 2006 playoffs.

You see, they are at the same time very similar, yet very different. They have defined their teams and the NFL for the past decade-plus.

And really, all this comes down to are a bunch of largely superfluous factors that really are more telling of us than they are them.

For example, where you live, what your favorite team is, what you appreciate in football, what you value in a quarterback. Do you enjoy winning consistently and your team having a chance, or do you value championship trophies more? Do you like a cerebral quarterback with a master command or a quarterback so precise between 15-35 yards he could hit Lincoln’s nose on a penny?

So what are we arguing about? The simple fact we like one guy or another. That’s it.

Manning and Brady do not think of this the same way we do. They like and respect each other. In fact, they are better friends than most people know, often talking and texting about life – and football; like sharing game plans on how to beat other teams. Of course they want to win, but I doubt if they sit around comparing resumes and arguing about who is better.

We’ve been wasting so much time pointing out all the things we don’t like, or what we think is the reason one is better than the other. It is just what we do. We need to know. We need people to agree with us. We want a clear-cut winner in this.

But no matter the outcome, we won’t know any more after this game than we did before it. Perhaps it is time to stop finding so much strength or fault in either man and appreciate them both at the same time.

Let us just enjoy the show before the final credits.

This great debate is nothing more than a distraction to the show.

In the words of T.O., grab your popcorn.

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