Hey, complete stranger person who’s completely and utterly baffled why my wife and I are having a fifth child, I’d like to answer your question of whether or not we’re “crazy” in long form explanation instead of a simple “yes” or “no.”
Do you mind? Cool. Let’s get started.
I see you silently judging me with your eyes from the moment I said “fifth” – and I could care less. But just know that your shock and mild disgust is not as well hidden as you might think.
Yes, we have several children, we certainly are aware of the volume of children we have produced. And no, people do not seem to care as much anymore. It may be less exciting for everyone else than the first or the second, but not to us. We never had children for attention anyway.
Yes, we are younger than you might expect. Sorry we’re not older, I guess? We tend to think that our youth is a good thing, allowing us to play with our kids and chase them with energy and vitality. But if you somehow think our age equates not knowing what we’re doing with so many kids, that’s a totally fine opinion to have. Because certainly no one over the age of 40 ever messed up.
No, we’re not destitute, nor are we rich. Our children are happily fed, washed and clothed. And we do get help in that department from time to time from loving and wonderful grandparents on both sides, but only because they offer, want to or just do it without asking. We are perfectly capable of doing it on our own.
Yes, we are aware what causes it, but thanks for that awkward joke. Really played well to the crowd, sir. We planned these kids, believe it or not.
But somehow, I don’t think that look in your eyes is about us and our large family. It’s about us not following the “rules” or societal norms of the world in 2015. Because it is not what everyone else does and it’s not “normal.”
We are easily influenced in this country, but somehow rarely swayed.
We’d rather tell people how wrong they are instead of leading by example. We do this out of some sort of need for affirmation, that we are in fact, right – and someone agrees enough to tell us so. This then serves as validation to everyone else who still thinks we are wrong, so that we can turn back to them and say, “See, this person knows I’m right, too!”
Third party credibility at its finest worst.
Ask yourself this: if your convictions are strong enough, why do you need the approval of others through how many thumbs-up you get on a status update?
We like to complain. We like social media. And we’ve married them together quite nicely. We like to tell each other what the problem is, who’s to blame for it, what should be done about it, how it affects us and why we are right.
From politics to road improvement projects to what clothes to buy or music to listen to, we’re all trying to change the world through our opinion and what we value – presuming all along that others out there a) care what our opinions are, and b) hold the same values as we do.
We all have a sphere of influence; we just greatly misconstrue what to do with it. Social media allows you to build and sell your brand. Every post you make, every favorite, like, share and retweet.
Now, this may or may not be who you actually are – but that does not really matter. To the outside world, you are what your advertising says you are. You are marketing you, and in some ways those connected to you, with your brand.
And that brand is the message you allow yourself to project. You cannot change the world. Too big, too difficult, too abstract.
But you can change your world – and by doing so, through your sphere of influence, the world around you perhaps slowly changes over time.
So many people tell us of the ills of society. They will complain. They will condemn others who do not think and act as they do. They will tell you that you are, in fact, wrong.
Now how many times when someone told you that you were wrong did it change your mind?
I’ll go ahead and guess zero, because you didn’t. The message is half as important as the messenger. Throughout history, powerful orators – great messengers – have influenced mass amounts of people to do really great things.
They have also persuaded entire populations to do really dumb things, terrible or horrific things.
The difference between disagreeing and intolerance is a thin line, and we are not often aware that we have crossed it until it is too late. The same holds true then in how we conduct ourselves with others in person.
Life cannot be done as it is on social media.
So, yes, this makes our fifth child. And we’ve experienced the gamut of reactions before. Believe it or not, some had the open-mouth shock, the “you must be one of those” furrowed brow, the head shake and smile, the plastic smiled “that’s so nice” when we had our fourth child nearly four years ago.
We keep having children because we feel called to do so and that we can raise another person to be good, to be kind, to try to make the world a little brighter, a little happier and a little better.
To get there, you just go with it.
Look, do I enjoy freezing my tail off at some sports event at 8am on a Saturday morning after getting up at 6:30am? No more so than anyone else would. Is it fun to have a factory assembly line five days a week to make lunches for school the next day? Not particularly my brand of fun.
Sleepless nights with a newborn are not moments that I would describe as fun by any means. Nor is holding having nightmares of Home Alone play in my head as we walk through an airport, utterly petrified one of ‘em will end up lost in New York.
But this is not about me – it never was. Life is not meant to be about me, or my wife. Life is about giving yourselves to others and attempting to make the world a little better, a little brighter, a little happier. Let’s face it, it can be fairly depressing at times.
And we have a lot of fun. How can you not with your own brood of mini-me’s?
It is our way of changing the world into a better place.
We all fear evil in the world, but it is indifference that scares me personally the most. And what my wife and I long to do is make difference makers, people who care about others and want to do right, solely because it is right. To us, this is increasingly rare in the world we live in. I want the good guys to win.
In some small way, I have convinced myself that our influence on our brood, and thereby a larger world, will be and last much longer than social media – and much, much longer than me.
You see, my life isn’t over because I have so many children. My life and purpose begin with my children. In fact, our children have helped me narrow my focus and become more efficient with my goals and objectives. My ambitions are closely tied to their lives, what they can become and who I will become because of them.
None of this makes me a better person or parent than anyone else in the world. My views are not somehow more valuable or correct.
It just makes me, me.
And you aren’t going to change me by telling me how weird it is to have five children.
But by all means, go ahead and try.
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