Category Archives: Society & Culture

American culture, Culture, culture war, Politics, pop culture, psychology, race relations, Society & Culture

As The World Burns

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

That is not such a good thing.

Here we sit, as the world burns around us, and lament the trivial, the inconsequential, the minutia. We fight over saving an extra 20 percent in the Target parking lot. black friday

I have come to the conclusion that we must secretly want it this way. Or we are lazy. Or we do not care. Or it is just easier to ignore it and focus on our first world problems, holiday plans, on the gifts we must buy. We do not really want to talk about it or do anything about it. We just want to complain about it for a hot minute and move on to the next thing.

We put a proverbial Band-Aid over it and hope it goes away?

Oh, you are probably wondering what “it” is. You want to define “it”? Fine, I suppose that is fair.  “It” is undefinable. “It” is everything, anything and nothing at the same time.

“It” is the topic of the day. “It” is immigration, race relations, religion, poverty, politics, international affairs and the economy. “It” is gun control, Hollywood celebrity culture, concussion protocols, domestic violence, locker room language and bullying.

“It” is how families communicate, nuclear and extended. “It” is marriage, divorce, parenting and children. “It” is our increasing reliance on technology. “It” is our jobs, our anxiety, and our fears, our obsessions with the material and immaterial of the world.

“It” is every little thing we deal with on a day-to-day basis.

Perhaps most of all, “it” is you.

Yes, you – the one who thinks I am writing to everyone else and doesn’t think that these (hopefully) thought provoking pieces of less than literary prowess over the past few years are directed at them.

It is directed at you.

It is also meant for me.

When my writing changed a few years ago, it was because the way I think changed and evolved. A funny thing happens as you age, you start paying attention to more than just box scores. You marry, have children and find yourself watching less SportsCenter. Why? Because in the grand scheme of things, it just doesn’t matter as much, while what we are doing to ourselves does as a society matters all that much more.

But a key realization occurred along the way: talking does little. Writing seems to do less. People do not want to hear about the ills of the world, much less so what they can do to improve it. We do quite a bit of talking in our public and private lives. Actually addressing “it” and finding real solutions is a much more difficult proposition.

And this is because we simply do not listen.

We hear, but we don’t listen. We can’t talk about anything that leads to a civilized, give-and-take discussion and solution, because mostly, we’re unwilling to budge on our positions, to meet others halfway. We react, we get angry, we get hostile. To most, an idea of a solution to any problem is agreeing that we are right. It is part ego, part vanity.

Devaluing the ideas, thoughts, and concerns of others while simultaneously self-promoting our own as fact and truth is as dangerous as it is foolish.

To most of us, we might recognize this, so we back-off. It is not worth the argument, the fight. We Band-Aid our lives for the sake of doing the dance. We won’t talk about “it” – whatever “it” happens to be, because all it will end in is hurt feelings, angry words and emotional outbursts.

So we bottle it all up inside, allowing it to take residence in our proverbial mental garbage bin of all the things we’ve ignored, swallowed and tried to forget over the years. These situations become like sticks of unlit dynamite.

And then, at some unknown point in the future, the most meaningless thing sets off the wick and we explode, looking like we need a straight-jacket and some prescription drugs.

We’re all a little crazy.

But that is because we allow ourselves to be. We think we’re saving face. We’re not. Clear and honest communication is a central part, but actually listening and being willing to bend, to meet in the middle on whatever “it” is would most likely serve us all well.

This much is true: if we agreed to disagree from the beginning and worked to a solution that neither feels entirely great about, but comfortable with, we might actually get somewhere in this world.

Our world view is significantly altered by the fact that I am me and you are you. We’re a country and world full of people with specifically engineered lives, with experiences vastly independent from one another.

We share the same period of time and space in this universe, but we experience that time and space in very different ways, which means we do not – and cannot – see the world the same way.

So why are we so surprised when people of opposing viewpoints and political parties, living in different cities, towns and regions, with entirely different life experiences disagree with us?

We will never agree on anything because not one of us looks at everything the same way. It is not about forcing someone else to see why they are wrong and you are right.On the contrary, it is an attempt to build a bridge toward the middle where you see where they are coming from.

bridge

 

That is problem solving. That is relationship management. That is how we were designed to interact. We are not all geniuses in all aspects of life and its infinite mysteries, nor are we complete morons, either. We’re a melting pot of races, religions, ethnicities, social, cultural and economic backgrounds.

We – READ: you and I – would be better off if this were not just a pipe dream, but something we actually exercised ourselves and taught to our children. You – yes, you – will be wrong sometimes. You will be right sometimes.

Sometimes, you might be either, neither or both.

The same goes for me, your parents, in-laws, children, their friends, teachers, your co-workers, the guy working construction and the lawyer on 5th Avenue, the President, Congress, Roger Goodell, Chris Rock and the waiter at your restaurant.

Be in the world, not above it. People are people, their problems are real because they experience them. Don’t shut them down. When we refuse to grow, we refuse to change – and change is largely inevitable. Growth is good. Sticking to your old habits, beliefs and traditions is not necessarily something to be proud of.

So this holiday season, start a new tradition.

Try.

Try to be honest. Try to be kind.

Try to avoid the Social Media tar pits that cannot be one. Try not to take the bait. Try to understand there are people who do not have food, shelter or friends.

Try to not be too swayed – or angry – with those seeking your vote, your money, your donations and your time. Try to give back a little more than you take.

Try to understand the other side, someone else’s perspective as best you can. Try not to shut down or shut out. Try open minded. Try accepting what you can.

I don’t think you should necessarily succumb to the world, give in to all opposing views and beliefs and acknowledge they are somehow right. But the world is not going to fully come your direction, either.

Try to build a bridge.

At least your half of “it,” anyway.

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LeBron James, Media, NBA Free Agency, Society & Culture

Searching for Sources

Roughly four years ago, I wrote this piece about unconfirmed stories, rumors and the growing use of “sources” as a complete cop-out.

Oddly enough, four years ago we had the absolute circus known as “The Decision” when we all collectively freaked out because a young man we (fans and media) gave a ton of fame and attention to at a young age chose a new basketball team.

LeBron-James-DecisionFunny how much and how little changes over time.

We didn’t like the bombastic manner in which LeBron James joined Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade in Miami – though in hindsight, the televised event raised over $6 million for charity.

No, we had a problem with the “Welcome Party” the following day – you know, “Not one, not two…”

And who wouldn’t, really? The brash, bold, self-aggrandizing manner in which they presented their new union was more than a touch overboard.

Still, did we take the time, in the moment, to analyze what was happening? No, not really. And we rarely do, because we are human. We need and want instant reaction, gratification and resolve. We were all busy burning jerseys, bashing, mocking, and defending.

I was among the masses, proclaiming that the “King” was a bit out of his element, that he hadn’t won anything, that, at 25-years old, he had severely overplayed his hand.

But over time, I accepted this narrative: his handlers had blown the whole TV thing, Jim Gray made it all seem a bit cheesy and most importantly, I thought that James was still in many ways a child-like person, just trying to break out and do something bold.

He never went to college, therefore wasn’t recruited, so it seems logical that he liked the recruiting process of free agency in 2010 – something that after many years in Cleveland, he’d earned the right to do. The Cavs never got him the help he needed. Jordan would not have won titles with that scurvy crew of misfits.

Feeling under-appreciated, feeling boxed-in, James went to Florida, to beaches and Pat Riley’s legendary figure, to Mickey Arison, a hipster dude who owns cruise ships and a basketball team. He went with buddies he made on the Olympic team, guys he knew didn’t suck at the sport of basketball, as it seemed his fellow teammates on the Cavs kind of did.

What was the truth in 2010? Probably a little bit of both.

And now? Well, I’m not sure any of what’s going on with James reasoning matters as much as how much stock we’re putting into reading tea leaves.

We think way too much of our athletes and role models in the public sphere, and yet at the same time, we dehumanize them. They have emotions, they have biases. They have their reasons. We just don’t care about that.

All this is to say, I can see how and why James would want to return to Cleveland now, four years later. A bit more accomplished to say the least, a bit more mature, perhaps even better equipped to handle the ridiculous amount of pressure applied by the greater Cleveland fan base.

I can also see how and why James would stay in Miami, even if for only a year or two.

Does James play into the power trip? Of course. And if you’re waiting for him to not, you are simply in the wrong era of athlete.

What about all of us? What about the fans in Cleveland who burned his jersey, now pleading for his return? What of the owner who comically, sans-ily wrote the most vicious and disgraceful e-mail in the history of people who got picked last? What about the Heat fans who walked out and booed in the Finals? What about our collective reaction to the cramps?

For better or worse, this man cannot win. And we like it that way, for whatever reason. So no matter what this decision yields, we’re ready to lose our minds.

And that is the entire crux of the problem. It feels as though nothing has happened, yet everything is happening.

James himself has done and said little to perpetuate the absolute ridiculous and scary uproar through the media over a possible return to Cleveland.

LeBron James The decision 2014This brings us back to sources.

You’d think we’d have learned something from 2010, from attaching legitimacy to rumors, to giving full credence and exposure to “sources.”

But we haven’t learned a damn thing. If anything, we’re doing it all worse than before. From New York to Miami to Cleveland to Los Angeles, we’re all preparing for way too much joy and way too much anger.

Have you ever seen so many formerly reputable people get so much wrong? And someone reputable will be proven wrong, for sure. There are so many journalists and media types on both sides of the fence that there is no gray area. Reputations will be damaged.

And why? Because they are rushing to get anything out in an effort to provide the smallest morsel of information, to satisfy us. We crave it. We say we don’t, we act annoyed and we pretend like we don’t want it, but we do.

This is our drug. It’s speculation, gossip and the need to know what we don’t really need to. And the addicts need fed. Which is why we’re hearing anything and everything.

Cupcake shop owners claiming it’s a done deal. Moms who say LeBron’s wife’s pregnancy is enough to push him back to Cleveland. Someone who talked to someone in James’ group in Vegas who told a friend that Pat Riley exposed the pregnancy to the media before James had a chance to tell all his family and friends, so now they are mad and hurt.

Web programmers who have found hidden code on his website that shows the color scheme could change to Cavs base colors. People tracking Dan Gilbert’s plane, people watching and staking LeBron’s homes in Miami and Cleveland.

Look at us? Are we not entertained? We asked for it. And we can’t deny it any longer. SportsCenter, talk radio and Twitter are breaking records for viewers, listeners and refreshes per minute. James’ website crashed today. All because we’re seeking another hit, another piece of dubious intel.

And the media, addicted to our clicks because it brings pay raises and job promotions (see Broussard, Chris, 2010), are more than happy to find something, anything to be our dealer.

Is this a harsh or unfair analogy? Maybe, maybe not.

We want the media to check its sources? We should be checking ours.

Our sources, after all, are what permits this whole charade to begin with. A culture obsessed with the dirt and greed produces just that. We’re angry either way with James, then and now, because we’re jealous.

We’re outraged by his greed and the greed of athletes everywhere, but we’d do the same thing. We blast them for taking max deals and the money and playing for owners with less-than high morals, then blast them even more for collaborating with each other to take less and play with their friends and win championships.

We won’t be happy, no matter what. Social media is certainly intensifying the issue. It didn’t exist for Jordan’s playing days, or we would have destroyed him, too.

We’re easily bored, ready to tear down our idols just as fast as we build them up.

And why? Because it makes us feel better about us. Our lives are relatively empty, so it would seem by the way we follow celebrities and blow things completely out of proportion.

We have few true sources of joy and purpose as a society at large, so we do this. We ignore the news and stories that really matter, really make a difference, and throw all our emotions and interest to following adults who play kids games for large amounts of money switch companies to do the same job. We cut people down, and cut people off before we flip them off.

We jump jobs for money, then ask how they have the nerve. We cheat on our spouses, lie to our friends and cut corners, then put them on blast for doing the same. We scream at youth sporting events, officials and blame coaches, then call the pros cowards for doing the same in an interview where they’re goaded into the same. We’re hypocrites and we’ve created this.

‘Merica, right?

So here we are, four years later, having learned really nothing. We still wait with baited breath to find out where LeBron James will spend the next year, two or four, putting a basketball through a metal circle. Until we find what our collective culture is looking for, we’ll just keep on doing in this, in truly mind-numbing ways.

We’re in full-blown instant gratification mode now, seeking resolution merely for the sake of being able to move on with our judgments, our condemnation, our praise and dissection.

Feed the beast, LeBron. We’re hungry.

It’s just what we do now.

Before we blame anyone for this mess, perhaps we are the ones who should check our sources. Because I’m nearly 63.2 percent sure that according to reports, our intentions are dubious at best.

And we are all witnesses.

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