American culture, Jimmy Fallon, Miley Cyrus, music, Society, We Can't Stop

We Can’t Stop – But We Should

Last night, I was faced with a most troubling decision.

As I thumbed through my Twitter feed, I came across a tweet from one of my favorite entertainers, Jimmy Fallon.

But it was a video featuring Miley Cyrus. For reasons that should be obvious, I cringed.

Oh, the dilemma.

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See, on the one hand, everything that Jimmy Fallon does is amazing. But on the other, pretty much everything that Miley does make me want to lock my daughter in our house until she’s 30.

Convinced Fallon is the next Johnny Carson, I finally clicked on the link to his A capella version of “We Can’t Stop” with Miley Cyrus and The Roots, despite an aforementioned aversion to Cyrus and her recent antics.

I loved it.

I think (and desperately hope) this probably speaks more to Fallon being great at everything than this does the song or artist itself. Yet it was so well done, I couldn’t stop listening to it. I hit replay probably 10 times. There was harmony, tenderness and sadness – you forget that in between the music video weirdness, tongue sticking out weirdness and a variety of other weirdities, Miley Cyrus can indeed sing.

I was moved by the little video – and that was without really listening to the words.

And then I did listen to the words.

The more I listened to the song – then Googled the original version of the song and listened to it, too – I noticed that the lyrics were not just completely out of my realm, but wondered what segment of society they were relatable to? A much segmented part of our youth population I am guessing.

Hey, I get it; the song is catchy, has a good beat and sounds fun. It could be every major pop hit we’ve had for the past few years. Lyrics do matter, regardless of what anyone tells you. What a song says is as important and influential as its sound.

Yet I am not that old. I’ve listened to tons of pop, rock and alternate music and grew up in a pretty good era for it.

That said, what the recent stream of young artists say in these tunes has a whole lot more to do with us than it does them, since we buy it, play it on repeat and call it “my jam.”

I think we get the message: Miley Cyrus has matured from that little Hanna Montana girl she used to be. But it is a farce, from the outsider perspective, to say Miley knows who she is right now. She’s 20. She has no clue who she is. Most everyone I’ve ever known would agree. “Twenty?” they answer. “Oh, I was a disaster.”

And everyone between the ages of roughly 28 and 100 is nodding in agreement. You just can’t know, but the problem is you think you do. At that age, you are stuck between adolescence and adult, emerging rebellion and responsibility.

Is Miley Cyrus tormented and struggling? Maybe. Certainly to her, she is. To the vast majority of 20, 21, 22-year-olds, what they see as a struggle varies greatly from what Miley Cyrus sees as a struggle.

They can’t afford to dance with “Molly” and wave their arms in clubs like they don’t have a care. They can on weekends, I suppose, between jobs and/or classes, then reality hits on Monday morning when they wake up in a dorm with a presentation due that afternoon, or they are late for their job.

For Miley, she’s missing a key component to this dichotomy: the earlier you begin entertaining the rest of us, the less you are like us. Likewise, we can’t relate to you, even if we grew up with you. You live in your own box long enough, when you speak, the words that come out won’t make sense to us. Just ask Britney Spears.

The conventional vanity of our pop-culture driven world cannot be afforded – monetarily or morally – by really anyone outside the very circle that creates it in the first place.

Us “normal folk” watch it all and are either horrified or entertained – and sometimes both. But we watch. We watch because it’s there, and because 25 percent of it looks fun, and because we’re pretty sure the singers, actors and athletes we watch are going to implode in a variety of sadly predictable ways: drugs, bankruptcy or because they are actually just bad people.

Yet it remains a cycle we have been unable to stop for at least the past 40-50 years: we gorge ourselves on what they do, their accomplishments and products, which makes them rich and bored, in turn causing them to gorge on things like drugs, mansions or any number of material items that the rest of us aren’t addicted to, in part because we can’t afford them and our version of reality kept the need for self-control.

In this song, “We Can’t Stop”, Miley sings of not stopping and doing what she wants. This is both an idea that we can totally relate to, yet at the same time have no concept of the specific meaning she has in her mind when the lyrics pass her lips. Because we haven’t experienced what it is Miley won’t stop.

And this is exactly the point where our worlds differ: she means what she sings, while we’re listening to it and enjoying it in a generalized, passive sort of way. It’s not necessarily the lyrics don’t have meaning, but they don’t really mean anything to her audience.

Where she can’t stop (though I do wonder if even Miley knows what exactly she won’t stop or if it’s just the idea of being a rebellious figure that’s so appealing to her), the rest of us must. We must stop because we have wages to earn, classes to attend and families to start.

Simultaneously, I’d like to believe there is a majority of us between the ages of 16 to 35 (assuming that’s her new demographic) that would prefer to not disrespect everyone that cares about us.

In some ways, it’s true; you can say and do whatever you want. It’s called free will and it’s a beautiful gift. But it’s what you do with that gift, or the others given to you that define who you are. And when you live in a world that most exclusively defines people by who you are, then it matters.

You can’t say you won’t stop and will do whatever you want, and then bemoan the media attention paid to your every breakdown, break-up and drug bust. Or, as Miley said earlier this week, that you don’t have a plan and just want to be popular. Talk about vanity.

It’s the same as saying you don’t like drama – but then you fill your life, your newsfeed and timeline with it and then actively seek ways to confirm that, again, you don’t like drama. In reality, you are a drama addict. We get it: important things are happening to you and it’s a bummer sometimes. But it’s only important to you because it’s happening to you.

To be fair, we’re all a little self-centered; naturally, this is because we are us. I inherently care way more about what’s going on in my life than you do because it’s, well, my life. But our society is shifting that line of demarcation – the line that holds the balance in order. We’re losing our civility on these matters.

Now, we’re mostly just self-involved. The only reason everyone else usually cares to listen is because they care about you. Fail to return the favor and ask about them or listen to them, and they will most definitely start checking out on your life and all its drama.

As Mr. Miyagi once said, we must learn balance.

Self-control is not lame, it does not say anything about you other than that you have it and respect yourself and others enough to show it. But too many are taking Miley’s approach, where expressing one’s desires or partying habits is a way of showing individual freedom. This is a free country, so by all means, enjoy.

Just know that not being able to stop yourself is a sure sign of gluttony and greed. Doing whatever you want, no matter the consequences or repercussions, for yourself or others is the epitome of being not just self-involved, but a full-fledged megalomaniac. Needing credit, needing constant attention, demanding your voice be heard for no reason other than hearing yourself talk.

It’s ours, we constantly say. This country is now ours, this generation, this time. But we really mean that it’s mine. And we want everyone else to know it.

However, I’m reminded of a great passage I read recently, that speaks of how every precious thing in the world is hidden. From pearls, gold and metal to corn and nuts – all hidden somewhere. The same can be said of kindness, knowledge, self-awareness, perseverance and love. They are not easy to find in the world, or within others. But if you work hard enough to find them or cultivate them yourself, you will be rewarded.

What does all that have to do with Miley Cyrus, popular culture, and Jimmy Fallon?

I honestly don’t know, but repeatedly watching that video they made caused me to pull this narrative together and come to this conclusion: I am disappointed in the laziness of a culture that demands they can’t stop doing all the things that speak of greed and gluttony, while refusing to do anything redeeming, good or kind.

If we’re going to grab the mic and demand to be heard, we better have a message worth hearing.

Maybe Miley is right about something grander than what she sings, because she is actually spot on: we can’t stop. As a nation, we like to “par-dy”, do whatever we want. Our Molly is what it’s been for many years and decades: unquenchable, unrelenting, power – at home and abroad.

And chasing that power had led us to this point, where a former cute and cuddly child-star is now a wannabe grown-up at 20, being provocative solely for the sake of attention and being famous – not even because she’s actually provocative.

We can’t even be sincere anymore about being insincere.

But hey, at least I know my decision to click on the video was worth it.

Jimmy Fallon never disappoints.

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In Utero, music, Nevermind, Nirvana, pop culture

Come As You Once Were

When I heard a few days ago that Nirvana’s In Utero was turning 20 years old last Saturday, I had a rush of emotions:
“Wow…am I that old?”
“It can’t be that long…I remember when and where I was when I bought the album!”
“That also means it’s been nearly 20 years since Kurt Cobain died.”
Almost immediately, I went and listened to some of my favorite Nirvana tracks, not just from In Utero, but from Nevermindand Unplugged in New York. It had been far too long, and those songs are like an old friend.
Then it happened – I was transported back to my mid-1990s self: awkward, yet outgoing, athletic, yet awkward (again), somewhat intelligent, but mortified of being labeled that way. In other words, I was transported back to the first-world problems of American teenage angst. The whole period of being a teen can be defined as ill-conceived and awkward.
And as Nirvana got popular, I was hitting that most-awkward phase, between the ages of 12-14, where you don’t know what the heck is going on every day. Your life is constantly in a state of physical, emotional and mental flux (partially because you make it that way, partially due to hormones). One day, I was a jock, the next day I was a geek. I worked on a farm and grew up with country music, but I liked kneeboarding, Airwalks and a killer guitar solo. WHO WAS I?!?
I felt, as I am sure most youths do, an identity crisis, during my teenage years. What are the characteristics that make up who you are, what you were and what you will be? Music set the tone (no pun intended) for so much of what took place during that time of life: how you dressed, spoke, acted. What friends liked, what those who weren’t friends liked.
In this reflection of youth and Nirvana and music, it occurred to me that I was listening to it differently than I did before. And then it became clear: what a reflection that is of real life.
We hear what we want to hear – in conversations, relationships, friendships, in music. I heard what I wanted to hear the first time I listened to “Heart-Shaped Box”, the same as other people did when they watched Johnny Carson or Richard Pryor. A connection is made because you become a receiver open to the message in the first place.
Basically, you’ll find what you’re looking for in all aspects of life. It’s just that you don’t know that as a teenager. Hence, the aforementioned angst.
And as adults, that lack of angst, as we wade through life’s turbulent waters and figure it out, creates the need for nostalgia. Which is how or why Nirvana is re-releasing a special edition of In Utero with remastered tracks. The problem is, the album and the band, are themselves a reflection of life in general: it was never meant to be mastered in the first place, because it cannot be.
Humans are built for conflict, for drama, to operate in a state of threat from time to time, due to how our brains were hard-wired during hunter-gatherer days. And in the absence of genuine conflict now, or real tension or threat, sometimes, we’ll just create it for ourselves. Hence, perhaps the chorus of “Heart-Shaped Box”: “Hey! Wait! I got a new complaint…forever in debt to your priceless advice.”
We’re a constantly critiquing society. We are the ultimate critics, intent enough to not leave well enough alone or mind our own business. And nothing is ever good enough. Which is where my thoughts usually go when I hear In Utero. It wasn’t good enough for everyone. But it wasn’t intended to be. How, in any manner, could Nirvana follow-up Nevermind? It was a nearly impossible task.
The record company and all the big-wigs wanted another Nevermind in 1992-93. Kurt Cobain, all things considered, was a wildly intelligent and introspective individual. He knew he couldn’t please everyone. In fact, he knew that by and large, he wouldn’t please anyone with a follow-up. So he did what he thought he would want to hear if he were a fan: he went more raw and unpolished.
Recorded in a few weeks, in Minnesota, in February, with little embellishments, In Utero is in a weird way the best follow-up album I can think of. The drums were recorded in a kitchen, and rumor has it Cobain recorded the vocals in six hours. It is raw, and it is quite good. And the music still sounds amazing, 20 years removed.
Naturally, the corporate machine rejected it at first. Which is exactly why the band – and namely, Cobain – loved it.
Cobain knew you can’t keep doing the same exact thing. First of all, it’s boring, secondly, it wears out eventually. What’s popular doesn’t stay popular forever.
Listening to the band again, intently for the first time in a long time, I wonder if Nirvana would make it today, with that increased cynicism? I fear they would have been torn apart by critics by 1998 or 2000, after a few more albums anyway, and Cobain probably would have ended up doing the same thing he ended up doing.
Cobain never wanted that life, that fame, that “voice of a generation” status. I honestly don’t think he was THE voice of a generation. There really is no one, true voice. You can argue that it’s a hodge-podge, random allocation of voices that define us every so often.
The boomers reacted the same way with John Lennon as Generation X did with Cobain. The preceding generations in both instances could have cared less – it meant little, I am sure, to my grandparents in 1980, that John Lennon had been shot, the same way mine could have cared less about Cobain’s death in 1994.
For the baby-boomer generation, the Beatles were alternative the same way Nirvana, Pearl Jam, the Smashing Pumpkins were alternative to a generation in the 1990s. Alternative essentially means what it’s always meant. It’s rejecting whatever the current status is in favor of something else.
And before you become an adult and start to stop caring so much about what other people think or what other people do, or how you look and how much money you have and turn away from that machine and just live your life, you are actively looking for something else. Something that tells you don’t have to like what all those people in movies and magazines and music videos tell you to look and act like, largely because you don’t look or act anything like them.
Any number of people or events can serve that role. Throughout history, we’ve had probably thousands of them. From public figures to national events, these voices come from music, art, sports, politics, religion, science, farming (seriously, check out Paul Harvey). They all become voices because we listen, we are receivers. We intrinsically memorize and memorialize.
But these voices stuck out because we were out looking for them in the first place. And it’s deemed popular because so many people found it appealing. Remember, pop culture is defined as mass consumption of something. Being too high brow or underground just means not enough people to make a majority relate to it.
To this day, I don’t know if it was good or bad in Nirvana’s case. Do you want enough people relating to you if your mindset is that of apathy, regret and angst? What does it say about us when the underground or alternative becomes popular culture? Probably nothing and everything at the same time. Some people actually relate, while others sort of fake it because their friends say they should.
The answer exists where it usually always does – somewhere in the middle – which is usually equated to being stuck or trapped. Cobain felt this – that he couldn’t become popular and maintain the respect of the artists and genre he admired, yet he couldn’t stay there, either. Again, this is a relatable occurrence for us, for our lives. We can’t stay teenagers forever, we’d go crazy. We can’t sit in limbo in our jobs, our relationships and our friendships.
We’re constantly seeking change – and it doesn’t totally matter whether it’s positive or negative; any change will do so long as it’s not in the middle. Yet that will remain where Nirvana resides, in the middle of the height of 1990s and the grunge/alternative scene, because that’s where Cobain chose to end it.
Think about it though: as humans, we are in a state of constant change. Every single second of our lives, in fact, we are changing. There is no constant, truly, in our lives. This rises to hyperactive levels as teenagers (at least in our own minds). But then we gain more freedom, more control. We mature, for the most part, calm down, settle down and move on with the process of just being alive and enjoying that wonderful, sweet fact.
Music provides the total opposite effect of change to us: it stays constant, forever captured in the state it was recorded and released in. Within that consistency, we find comfort.
When our head is telling us we’re so busy and we have all this drama and conflict, we seek out something that comforts us. So we go back and find what we know, something that won’t change as the world does around us: music.
And Nirvana represents that period of time in large part because they remain unchanged, forever there, in the middle. A place where we don’t want to live, but don’t mind visiting from time to time. I may not be anything like that kid I was, I may dress differently and have a much clearer understanding of exactly who I am, but I can still feel welcome to drop-in.

In a way, you can truly come as are. 


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