Category Archives: Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen, Dave Anderson, ESPN, Josh Hamilton, Major League Baseball, Major League II, Texas Rangers, Tim Kurkjian

Them’s The Breaks

Sometimes, things just happen and it’s no one’s fault.
While we can blame certain people for certain things – like, say, Charlie Sheen for brining “warlock” and “tiger blood” into the American lexicon – it’s not quite so easy to place responsibility at any one person’s feet.
It’s important to remember this when the topic turns to Texas Rangers star outfielder and 2010 MVP Josh Hamilton’s recent injury.
In the first inning of the Rangers Tuesday game against the Detroit Tigers, Rangers third base coach Dave Anderson told Hamilton no one was covering home on a foul-ball pop-up that both the Tigers third baseman Brandon Inge and catcher Victor Martinez moved over to catch.
Detroit pitcher Brad Penny just stood on the mound – never really even moving towards home. That left the base wide open.
Anderson repeated the fact twice. Suddenly, Hamilton tagged up and began making the 90-foot journey to home – which prompted Martinez, who was about 50 feet away, to break towards home as well.
As you might guess, the guy with the 40-foot head start got there first.
Hamilton went in all Pete Rose-ish (headfirst) and Martinez applied the tag.
And then Hamilton felt a bit of pain. Turns out, he had a small fracture develop in the humerus bone in his upper arm because of the play.
Now, Hamilton’s on the shelf for six to eight weeks. He can’t touch a bat for a month.
Then Hamilton went all crazy ex-girlfriend on Anderson after the game, calling the play “stupid” and “dumb” in the past few days and in not so many words, blaming Anderson for his injury.
He also kinda, sorta implied that he was an innocent bystander just doing his job by listening to his coach.
“I listened to my third-base coach,” Hamilton said at the time. “That’s a little too aggressive. The whole time I was watching the play I was listening. [He said] ‘Nobody’s at home, nobody’s at home.’ I was like, ‘Dude, I don’t want to do this. Something’s going to happen.’ But I listened to my coach. And how do you avoid a tag the best? By going in headfirst and get out of the way and get in there. That’s what I did.”
Come on, Josh. That’s comical in and of itself.
We all know that no one is the pros really listens to their coaches.
Apparently Hamilton is clairvoyant. He just knew that something was going to happen.
Well, if you feel that strongly about something, if you just know you’re going to get hurt, then don’t run.
And maybe don’t go in head first.
How quickly Hamilton forgets that last year he scored from second base on an infield hit. As ESPN’s Tim Kurkjian pointed out, Hamilton called it his proudest moment at the time.
Anderson referenced that as well yesterday.
“You think about in the past what we’ve done,” he said. “He’s scored from second on a groundout to the infield twice. He’s scored from first on a long single. We’ve done double steals with him. That’s a part of our game is being aggressive and taking advantage of situations. The unfortunate part is that he got hurt. But if you go out and play the game and play hard, those things are going to happen.”
So if you are Josh Hamilton, what you can do is show two sides of a coin: you’re either aggressive and hungry enough to want to score on weird plays like that, or you’re more of the cautious type. But you can’t be both.
This whole saga got blown a little out of proportion on Wednesday, with sports radio dials everywhere dissecting the play 30 different ways.
Headfirst or feet first? Was it important to even try in the first inning of a game in mid-April? Was it Anderson’s fault because he kept repeating it like he wanted Hamilton to go? Was Hamilton just a good soldier? What does this say about the future of baseball, in youth ball or the pros – will players start thinking more for themselves on the basepaths?
Seriously, fellas? I know it’s a little slow these days – NFL lockout dragging on, NBA playoffs not yet started, no real attention grabbing headlines – but to spend nearly two hours of your show on subplots in this one play that really don’t exist is a bit much, even for a guy like me.
I shudder to think what the current media would have done with Roger Dorn when he was told to get out there and take one for the team in “Major League II.” We would have heard Dorn was a company line-toeing stooge, or that Jake Taylor’s old-school ways had gone too far this time.
We ruin so many moments in sports and life by over analyzing them.
Just let it be.
Hamilton tried to score – and if he would have, people would be talking about what an amazing, gutsy, heads-up play he made. That plays like that are the difference between great and good.
So he got hurt, so what? Yes, he’s out six-to-eight weeks. Yes, he can’t even swing a bat until mid-May. But let’s look at Hamilton’s track record for injuries:
April 2011         Fractured arm
Sept. 2010        Fractured ribs
June 2010         Hamstring tightness
May 2010          Knee
Sept. 2009        Pinched nerve (neck)
June 2009         Torn abdominal muscle
April 2009         Strained ribs
Face it, the guy was going to miss some games at some point. Since getting into the majors full-time in 2007, Hamilton has played in 133 games or more only once in a season (2008).
“I can understand that if I was pulling things like hamstrings or quads and it was not actual high-intensity things like hitting walls,” Hamilton said. “I’m making plays that the game calls me to make and I’m getting injured that way. That proves to me that I can get hurt anytime doing anything. I’m tired of talking about it, to be honest with you.”
But he said he wouldn’t change the way he plays.
“How else would I play?” Hamilton said. “You can get hurt by doing anything.”
Bingo, kid. Them’s the breaks, as they used to say.
It took him a few days, but at least he understands what most of us already did. You can’t prevent the Sports Gods bringing the pain. Ricky Henderson once got frostbite from falling asleep with an ice bag on. People fall down stairs, throw out their backs bending over to pick up their kids’ toys.
Um, how shall we say, “stuff” happens.
Thankfully, Hamilton did apologize to Anderson publically and privately yesterday.
“I let my emotions get ahead of thinking things through,” Hamilton said. “The more I think about it, the more I understand that I take responsibility for what happened because I had the choice not to go or the choice to go. I just appreciate Dave having confidence in my ability to think I could make that play.”
Hamilton also added, “The object is to score and if you go feet first, that gives them all this up here to tag. It is what it is. It’s over. It sucks it happened, but it happened. We’ll deal with it.”
Exactly.
And hopefully you’ll deal with it better next time.
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Charlie Sheen, ESPN, Jason Whitlock, Lawrence Taylor, NFL, Pete Rose

Crime and (Lack of) Punishment

Buried in the sports pages and difficult to find within hours of being posted on the ESPN, Fox Sports and SI websites, there is a story out there that no one wants to address.
Former New York Giants star Lawrence Taylor is now a registered sex offender.
No one, not even Jason Whitlock, seems willing to tackle this nasty news and offer an opinion on Taylor or the seedy underbelly of humanity in which Taylor has long dwelled.
While I am disappointed in the current voices of sports media for not touching this story with a 10-foot pole, I get it. I understand why. Who wants to go there?
The whole situation is disgusting, impure and just plain gross. Just reading Taylor’s comments on the matter leave you in dire need of a shower. You’d need turpentine for your eyes.
But if we don’t discuss this, if it’s not addressed, then we’re doing a great disservice.
Or maybe I just need to get it off my chest.
Life and sports aren’t always happy. Every day is not a video montage of “One Shining Moment.” It’s not always feel good stories.
I get it. During a time of optimism, with baseball on the brink of another season, the beginning of spring and the NCAA Tournament providing smiles and buzzer beaters (as well as a distraction from this silly NFL labor dispute), the last thing we want to talk about is a washed up, former pro athlete who has been given probation for the use of an underage prostitute.
But it must be said: Lawrence Taylor is sick, depraved and should be in jail.
It’s widely known that Taylor used narcotics throughout his career and was suspended several times by the NFL for drug use. It’s also widely know that Taylor really ramped up this activity after his playing career was over, spending thousands of dollars a day on cocaine and basically living in seclusion surrounded by other drug users.
Taylor has admitted to using prostitutes before, mainly between 1994-2001, but last year he was indicted on charges of third degree statutory rape, sexual misconduct and patronizing a 16-year-old prostitute. He recently pled guilty and avoided jail time, receiving six years’ probation.
But he made no apologies.
Taylor told Fox News’ Shepard Smith that he blamed the institution of prostitution for ending up with an underage girl, but never took responsibility for himself.
“I’m not the cause of prostitution,” Taylor said. “And sometimes I make mistakes and I may go out there. And I didn’t pick her up on no playground. She wasn’t hiding behind the school bus or getting off a school bus. This was a working girl that came to my room.”
Just the fact he had to distinguish her as someone who wasn’t getting off a school bus gives me the willies. But a working girl? Yeah, LT, she’s a real 9-5er with deadlines and a briefcase.
Need that turpentine yet?
Whether directly or indirectly, Taylor is one of the causes of prostitution. As long as there are people like Taylor willing to pay for sex, then there will be prostitution.
Taylor said, “I’m not looking for a relationship. Hey, sometimes I look for some company. It’s all clean. I don’t have to worry about your feelings. It’s all clean.”
Actually, Mr. Taylor – it’s anything but clean.
It’s sick and seedy and disgusting.
Regardless of age – 16 or 19 – Taylor has something wrong with him.
This isn’t Charlie Sheen crazy funny, with cute little catch phrases.
It’s just sick and twisted.
The fact that Taylor is indifferent to the whole thing is perhaps most frightening.
“I guess you call it a crime,” he said on Tuesday. “It’s one of those crimes you don’t think about. You never think you’re gonna get busted because everyone does it until you get busted, and then it’s more embarrassing than anything else.”
A crime you don’t think about? No, it’s a crime we don’t think about because most of us don’t engage in that kind of reprehensible activity.
Taylor’s in some different, alternate reality – probably brought on by years of drug use and an out of control, narcissistic and toxic personality that thinks he’s somehow on another level.
He once said, “For me, crazy as it sounds, there is a real relationship between wild, reckless abandon off the field and being that way on the field.”
No, LT, there’s not a relationship. At all.
Taylor created one in his own mind to justify his actions. People do that all the time, some sort of reasoning mechanism to try and convince themselves their actions are not misguided.
Prostitution is a serious crime. Everyone, contrary to his belief, doesn’t do it. And it should be more than embarrassing, it’s should be shameful.
It should be a harsher sentence that six years’ probation.
Taylor is an empty man with an empty soul. Perhaps he’s always been that way.
After the Giants won the Super Bowl in January of 1987, he said, “Everyone was so excited, but by then I felt deflated. I’d won every award, had my best season, finally won the Super Bowl. I was on top of the world, right? So what could be next? Nothing. The thrill is the chase to get to the top. Every week the excitement builds and builds and builds, and then when you’re finally there and the game is over…nothing.”
For people like Taylor, empty people, there is nothing. No joy, no sense of contentment, even during a peak accomplishment.
And so he has continually chased “The Chase” all his life. He’s filled it with prostitution and drugs, searching for the big build, the thrill of the chase.
What he should feel now is the cold bars of prison shutting on his face.
How can you plead guilty to third degree statutory rape and not be in jail? How is it we honor and even remotely respect people like this? How is this man in the Hall of Fame?
He should be first ballot Hall of Shame.
We mock and despise Pete Rose for betting on baseball, but allow Taylor into his sport’s ultimate honor with open arms?
Taylor talks about feeling empty and clearly tries to fill that void by less than noble or honorable means. Thanks to his actions,  we’re the ones left feeling empty and sad. Empty and sad that this emotionless, shell of a man could make millions of dollars in the NFL, in endorsements and movies to feed his actions and his own hubris while hard working people strive just to make it to the next day.
While innocent people die of starvation, of natural disasters – like the tsunami we just saw destroy a part of the globe – Taylor somehow avoids jail time so he can continue to do his best to erase human decency and morality, all while increasing its depravity.
He’s been found guilty of tax evasion, been arrested numerous times for narcotics and prostitution, and now has agreed to a plea bargain of two misdemeanors: sexual misconduct and underage prostitution.
Misdemeanors? Are you kidding me?
It’s safe to say we might have figured out what Taylor has really been chasing all these years: Prison.
It’s only right we fulfill that desire for him, to fill that need that burns deep in his empty heart.
Taylor’s earned it, right? He’s worked hard to achieve it, so I say we give him the same feeling he had after the Super Bowl – that empty feeling of nothing but hard time alone in a prison cell.
There’s no crime in wanting that for you, is there Mr. Taylor?
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Charlie Sheen

I Want A New Drug


Charlie Sheen’s gone off the reservation.
Lost his marbles. A few cards short of a deck. A screw loose. The engine’s running, but nobody’s behind the wheel. The lights are on, but nobody’s home.
Basically, the dude is whacked out crazy.
And we apparently can’t get enough of it.
My friends are texting me quotes. My mother can’t stop watching “The Today Show” for updates straight from Charlie’s mouth, delivered with passion by Charlie’s crazy eyes.
There are Facebook pages and Twitter accounts, growing in followers like some Cult of Crazy.
It got me thinking: why do we love a good, old-fashioned meltdown so much? What does it say about our society that we enjoy this kind of over-the-top moment when you watch someone’s downfall?
Charlie Sheen’s certainly not the first. Clearly, you worry for his kids, but at the same time, how can you not snicker (OK, laugh out loud) at some of his recent comments:
“I’m sorry, man, but I’ve got magic. I’ve got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time — and this includes naps — I’m an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.”
“Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists.”
“They’re trying to destroy my family. I take great umbrage with that. Defeat is not an option. They picked a fight with a warlock.”
“I am grandiose. Because I live a grandiose life.”
I mean, really, how do you even respond to that without laughing?
If I were one of the sacrificial lambs donated by the networks to interview Sheen, I don’t know how I would even contain myself. Think of the fun to be had there.
Just for fun, my sample question would be, “Charlie, how evil are rainbows and why do you think they are a secret society hell bent on chasing water from our oceans?”
It’s like playing Mad Libs with him.
Charlie Sheen is________.

a)     A total, bitchin’ rock star from Mars 
b)    Winning
c) Currently living at Sober Valley Lodge
d) On a quest to claim absolute victory on every front
e) All of the above
 

And yes, according to Charlie, he’s all of those things and so much, much more.
That said, our attention has been captivated by this? Seriously? It’s fun and all…but, seriously?
People are either scared for this man or laughing at him. Meanwhile, the federal government is barely avoiding shutdowns by approving temporary spending bills. Democrat House Representatives in Indiana have fled to Illinois to avoid doing their job and voting on the calendar items because they don’t have enough votes to stop the purposed legislation.
Why are we not more engaged in these things, you know, the stuff that actually impacts our lives?
Whatever party or political allegiances you have, something’s really wrong here. The posturing, the pleading…sort of reminds me of Charlie Sheen.
I suppose that brings it full circle. The more I watch this unfold, I can’t help but wonder: Is Sheen faking it?
He did pass tests last week for every drug known to exist. (Unless he’s created something undetectable, which warlocks could do, you know, with fire-breathing fists.)
But think about it: Sheen is an actor. 
Was his show, “Two and a Half Men” (which I’ve never seen an episode of), grossly popular? Sure. But there’s a level of fame Sheen has never been able to achieve. It’s the one where everyone in the world is taking about you and only you for a brief period of time.
And most of the time it happens when you get the crazy eyes and spout off at the mouth a bunch of non-sense that makes people laugh, then say, “Wait, is he serious? No…he can’t be…he can’t actually think he’s a warlock – wait, this dude actually said he’s just winning?”
Tends to grab celeb-gossip headlines. Puts you in the cultural lexicon. Creates Sheen-isms.
Before this, Sheen was “Wild Thing” Vaughn, the guy who snorted coke, cheated on his wives and is Martin Sheen’s kid.
It’s easy to see why we fall for it. He’s been in trouble before, seemed like he partied too much and had a lot of drugs and women around him. Those are listed as ingredients on the recipe for crazy.
But you have to wonder the way it’s all playing out if Sheen’s not using his past as an advantage on us. He’s watched us eat up coverage of Lindsay Lohan and the whole reality TV craze, where we like to watch “real” people spew crazy on each other (the dirty secret, of course, is most of reality TV is just as scripted as a sit com).
So maybe Sheen’s scripted this.
It’s like he took all the fun, fabricated facts people have said about Chuck Norris and turned them into his own.
He’s drawing some major bank right now. He owns the network morning shows (don’t think he’d not getting paid for it), bringing in a massive ratings increaase for re-runs of “Two and a Half Men” and watching other channels show some of his old movies on a marathon.
He gets money for all that. Ratings and re-runs bring in the cash. And I suppose if there’s one thing we can tell Charlie’s telling the truth about, it’s that he loves money.
In that context, maybe Sheen’s right. 
He is winning.
And we’re letting him because we’re feeding the crazy. We’re transfixed by this, hypnotized by some alter-Truman Show. The more we eat it up, the more crazy we get from him. 
And there will be others.
Fame is a drug, too. Charlie Sheen’s certainly on that.
I can’t help but wonder if we’re all not high off the fumes.
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