“Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.”
If only this were true.
Those words, from an old nursery rhyme which first appeared in The Christian Recorderaround March of 1862, are perhaps even more relevant today than they were during the Civil War.
We think we’re past the past? That all that pain and anguish from our brutal past as a society is over?
Please.
In the larger scheme of history, we’re not even close to putting this behind us. And yes, while I am referring to the egregiously foul act that a drunken Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver performed at a Kenny Chesney concert, that’s not all we’re dealing with.
The word used by Riley Cooper is without question offensive and incendiary, and his leave of absence from the team today is the right move for everyone involved. But time will pass and in a few years, we’ll remember him as a buffoon or a racist. I hope his sensitivity classes actually bring about change within Cooper, but he is not without peers.
This has garnered media attention because Cooper plays in the NFL. Because the word he used is offensive. Because he is not of a race that is permitted to use the word because of the manner in which his ancestors meant it. Because of the way he meant it.
Yet in schools and playgrounds all over the nation, the word Cooper used is repeated, either with hateful spite or comedic intentions. And it’s not the only word. How about the popularity of using the r-word in a joking or spiteful manner about someone who is lacking intelligence? How about words meant to slander someone of another religious creed?
As humans, we inherently think we’re more advanced than those who came before us – but we have yet to move on from the divides that emotionally charge us.
Words without action, without intent, are indeed just a bunch of letters strung together. They can do no harm. But for thousands of years, we’ve lived in a world full of verbal and written communication. The power of words is never more evident that in our current environment. Laws are carefully worded so that the correct usage and intent are understood. Speeches are crafted artfully to convey meaning and invoke action. Words will continue to play an unparalleled role in the lives of people all over the world as they connect us – and disconnect us – from each other.
We ought to say what we mean and mean what we say. That way, we’d know what’s truly in someone’s heart. That way, we’d know if we should accept their apology should they make a mistake. Most of us recognize that we ourselves are not without blame. We’ve said the wrong thing and not meant it. Sometimes, we say the wrong thing knowing as we speak we don’t mean it, but it comes out in anger anyway.
This is why we forgive, even if we can’t forget. There are probably a thousand hurtful things I’ve said to people in my thirty-plus years (none as offensive as Cooper, though). I don’t remember them – but I can remember the 25 or 30 things that were said to me that I found most hurtful. Those words have left an impact on me forever. They will drive me or motivate me or cripple me.
As a forgiving as a society as we are, a lot of that forgiveness hinges on how sincere you are before, during and after an incident and how you ultimately purport yourself on a daily basis. Essentially, we answer the question for you: are you genuine?
Because really, that’s what it comes down to – being authentic.
And to be honest, we’ve lost authenticity in this world. We’re too easily influenced by our surroundings, popular culture, professional athletes and entertainers. We want to be as real as reality TV. Except we fail to remember how not real it is.
We’re losing ground, folks. There’s been a gradual loss in personal decorum over the generations and we’re now in this purgatory as a society. We’re not taking ourselves seriously with how we dress, act and speak – to each other and to ourselves. It has eroded our values. Yet we have lost – and continue to lose what makes us – and made us – us. As individuals, as families, as communities and as a nation. We are looked at funny if we say “Yes, Ma’am” or “No, sir.”
People don’t talk like that anymore, including adults. And if we don’t as adults, then why would teenagers or children?
Now, as the world rapidly evolves with technology, we’re at a crossroads. All the tools used to communicate have caught up to what we’re able to say, but we’ve got nothing good to say. We post Instagram photos of drunken celebrities, clever e-cards or retweet a link to some athlete complaining about how the rules for picking Pro Bowlers have changed.
Can you imagine what Machiavelli, da Vinci, Plato, Lincoln or a host other others would have done with a blog, a web site, Twitter account or Facebook profile?
So Riley Cooper has his problems. Yeah, well, we’re clearly not perfect either. This does not excuse his actions. On the contrary, I remain outraged by the word he used and the manner and context in which he used it. But before we sweep this whole thing under the rug, per usual, in a week or two, let’s use this as a teachable moment as a society.
We cannot change others, only ourselves. And if our efforts to evolve are meant with sincerity – if we mean what we say about wanting to move on and becoming a better country, about being better to each other, then it must begin with us as individuals.
Let’s leave the harm to sticks and stones and use our words to help and hope.
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