Next Monday, I’ll be 32.
This is strange to me for some reason.
I’m not old enough for a mid-life crisis and frankly, with four children, I don’t have time for one anyway. But that is not what has made turning 32 an odd experience. It’s the number.
I don’t feel 32. As my wife and some close friends would attest, I certainly do not act 32. I barely act 12 most days (and I think that’s a good thing).
Thirty was not quite as overwhelming as I made it out to be in my mind. I was a little panicked leading up to 30, but it was not that big a deal once it was over. Yet for some reason, 32 feels older.
Perhaps it’s because my 9-year-old son wasn’t even alive the last time Michael Jordan laced them up. Perhaps it’s because I’m nearly 10 years removed from college. Maybe it’s the gray that’s creeping into my beard or it might be that my muscles get a little bit sorer each morning.
My dad used to go on about five hours sleep when I was a kid. He’d be up to 11 or 11:30 and then get up for work at 4:00am. I remember thinking that I could never do that. I needed and loved sleep.
And then we had four children. On the days that actually would allow me to sleep in a little, there’s a three-year-old up way too early on a Saturday (before I would even normally be awake) asking to play outside in 30-degree weather or watch Team Umizoomi.
And there it is: the circle of life running it’s course; I’ve become my father.
This is a good thing, as my dad is pretty cool and a great guy.
But man, it’s a little freaky.
As I hit what I’ve gently defined as my mid-early-30s, I’ve jotted a few notes down. I don’t want to stay it is what I’ve learned, because that would be a stretch. But here are 32 things I’ve picked up on:
1. Faith takes a great amount of, well, faith. It is hard to rationalize something you can’t see or touch. It’s based on feel, but the kind of emotion and belief that’s required to believe in Santa Claus. The problem with this is we all stop believing in Santa. Religious faith requires that you let go all of logic and reason that you’ve been taught and give way to the fact that you are really not in control of certain things.
2. I spend way too much time agonizing over the smallest things. I need to rid myself of this before I waste too much time worrying about a spill, a stain or how long that bathroom light was on. I need to approach every day like my kids do: what are we doing and whatever it is will be really, really fun.
3. It’s much more fun to play Santa to your kids than to get the gifts. I finally get why they say it is better to give than to receive. When I was little, I thought that was crazy. Sure, I was glad someone liked their sweater I bought for them, but man was it fun to tear into my presents. And then I saw my wife and kids open up gifts I’d carefully selected and see the reaction on their faces. I no longer care about what I get.
4. That said, toy companies should have these warning labels: “Grab a few beers, ‘cause this is gonna take awhile. While you are at it, go ahead and pick up 42 ‘AA batteries. Just be prepared to lose your mind trying to put this thing together. If these instructions read like broken English, don’t worry, they were because we’d been drinking heavily when we wrote them. We couldn’t put this thing together, either. When we say ‘some assembly required’ we really mean ‘major assembly’. Hope you graduated from M.I.T. and enjoy the carpel tunnel you get from undoing the 4,322 twist ties.”
5. People do not know how to drive. They really don’t. I could be included in this group, as everyone seems to believe this as well. If we all think that everyone else can’t drive, maybe we’re really the ones that can’t. That said, it seems like no one really took Driver’s Ed or the exams needed to secure a valid license.
6. Work is what allows you to live the life you want or need, but work is not life.
7. Everyone should take road trips with their friends. Especially to Fenway Park.
8. At 12, I had an obsession with really, really nice basketball shorts. I call them ball shorts. I’m talking like game official. At 22, I still had this obsession. At 32, I’m still obsessed with ball shorts. They are to me what shoes seem to be for women. I have a sneaking suspicion this is something that will not be going away no matter how old I am, so just prepare yourselves to see an 80-year-old Great Grandpa rocking the 2059 Los Angeles Lakers shorts around some Florida shuffleboard.
9. My parents continue to be awesome. They’ve taught me a lot, but most importantly, they’ve spent a lot of time spending time with me and now, with my family. Their house around the holidays is perhaps the neatest place to be. It’s got that Griswold spirit, but so much more tasteful.
10. I may be turning 32, but my favorite place on earth may still be Walt Disney World. I’ve got some weird thing where I feel most at peace on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride or in the second floor shop at the Grand Floridian, right next to the window that looks out over the bay. Yeah, I know it’s weird. And I kind of like that.
11. I worry about money and paying bills, perhaps too much at times, but on the other hand, I don’t care if I leave this earth without a penny to my name. You can’t take it with you, right? It’s more important to me to give my wife and kids stuff now than it is to leave them with something if I go tomorrow.
12 If I really cared about money, I wouldn’t have had children. Once you have them, you’ll pay anything to keep them safe, provide them their dreams and make sure they have it better than you did. My problem is, I had it pretty good.
13. Reality TV is not real.
14. My wife saved my life. Emotionally, spiritually, any other –ally that I could come up with. She is my world. I am selfish and think that our love is different than everyone elses and we’re in on a little secret together that no one else has found. And I don’t say that out of ego. Isn’t that how you should feel? That it is different from everyone else and those around you just don’t get it? It’s also not meant to be boastful or to brag, it’s just what I’ve gleaned. When I met her, my world changed, she continues to amaze me and, plus, she’s smoking hot.
15. I’ve also realized that I truly have no dreams for my children’s future professions. I just want them to do what they like and be happy. When I was agonizing over changing my major for a third time in college, my dad told me to do what I liked. I told him that the problem was I wanted to major in History and be a writer or professor. I wouldn’t be rich. He said I should follow my passion, because enjoying what you do while make you a different kind of rich. So if they want to be a teacher, lawyer, doctor, fireman, artist, astronaut, president, garbage man, dancer, professional athlete, chef, airline pilot, race car driver, gymnast, small business owner, volunteer in some third world country or a farmer, I’m good as long as they dig it.
16. There is nothing like an ice cold beer.
17. There is also nothing like a pizza and bread sticks. I’d eat it every day of the week and twice on Sundays. And I think I did that a few times in my early 20s.
18. Little moments before big moments give me great joy. I look forward to watching a TV show with my wife at 10:30pm. I enjoy the drive in between my family and my wife’s family on Thanksgiving, when all the kids are napping because they had fun at one place and are getting ready to have more fun at another. I like driving to the airport before a vacation and Christmas Eve. Basically, I enjoy the moments before something starts. Anticipation is a great thing.
19. There’s nothing like the endorphin surge after a good, long run.
20. Even though it destroys my body, mainly my back, I like when one, two or all of our kids climb in bed in the middle of the night.
21. I react poorly in some situations. I react completely appropriately in others. And the fact I can’t stop the former since I can do the latter is infinitely frustrating to me. I guess that’s why we’re human and have faults. But damn if I am not a perfectionist and would like to fix that.
22. I love the chaos of our big family, but I am OCD about picking up and cleaning. Sorry to anyone who’s had dinner at our house while I begin cleaning up while the rest of you are eating. I hate a mess.
23. That said, I will never clean-up if our kids have some big set-up and imaginary situation going with their toys. I’ll let them play out whatever fantasy world they have created for as long as they like.
24. There isn’t an iPod big enough to hold the soundtrack of my life.
25. Alec Baldwin has the voice of an angel. It’s like warm honey. I’ve watched episodes of “Thomas the Tank Engine” with my son just to hear him narrate.
26. I used to be able to name the U.S. Presidents in order, with political party. Now, I can only get about 38 of them right. I keep forgetting Millard Fillmore and John Tyler. But I can still recite every NCAA Final Four team since 1980, along with the teams that advanced to the championship and the winner. I have no idea what this says about me.
27. I love it when my wife doesn’t wear lipstick, because her natural lip color is amazing.
28. Over thinking is overrated, but man do I love to analyze. For example, see this list as both analyzing and over thinking.
29. I will never understand the current obsession with Vampires.
30. There hasn’t been enough appreciation for all that we’ve accomplished in this world. From creating pen and paper and languages, printing, cars, machines, putting a man on the moon, telephones, cell phones, internet, wiping out diseases that killed millions 600 hundred years ago with a simple vaccination, indoor plumbing, light bulbs, etc. We’ve been one creative race.
31. That said, we’re a little full of ourselves in the grand scheme of the universe.
32. And finally, as I told my wife last night, I may be turning 32 and it could be a halfway point in my life. Or I might have 50-60 years left. Or longer. Or a lot less. I have no idea. But no matter what happens, life is extremely enjoyable and I hope it continues just like this, with her and our children.
Now that I’ve done this, 32 doesn’t feel so bad. Bring on the mid-early 30s. I’m totally ready.
Kind of.
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